Adventures in Mommyhood

How I learned to stop worrying and enjoy life.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Happy Medium Momma

For my liking, there are far too many 'take it and run' ideas about parenting and everyone is expected to jump on the bandwagon. It feels there is always some methodology that one is expected to follow. Maybe I am okay, or better than okay even, with doing bits and pieces of it all.

Crunchy mamas are out in full force these days. That's not a bad thing at all. It's a great thing. Not too long ago, I was asking exactly what a 'crunchy mama' was. Some may know it better as the discipleship called 'attachment parenting' under Dr. Sears. In short, this is the philosophy believes in creating the most 'womb like' environment for the newborn, extended breastfeeding, babywearing, and bed sharing. The 'crunchy mamas' tend toward attachment parenting, but also seem to focus on cloth diapering, organic foods and making their own baby food- hence the 'crunchy' being a nudge to 'granola'. Am I saying these things are wrong? Absolutely not. I have been a nursing momma. I extended past the first year even. Should I feel great that I was able to do that, or should I listen to the heat of the La Leche Mom for not being a full disciple of 'baby led weaning'. Am I cruel? Or is it weird that I went even a day past the first birthday? It seems like you are some sort of a pariah if you don't quit that straight away at one year! It's just 'too weird'. You can't do that if they have teeth and you shouldn't do it if they are walking (myth and myth in my book, but people believe it.) Or is it okay to do things just the way I felt comfortable and the way I thought worked for Claire? Babywearing- Claire spent lots of time in arms. Michael was known for wearing her in the Baby Bjorn (at which point he usually referred to her as Carlos- thank you, The Hangover). Womb like environment? Absolutely! I only found one swaddle blanket that worked for me The Miracle Blanket. It squished her up into a dreamy coma in no time. Halleluia! That being said, the family bed was not for us. My husband acts out dreams occasionally, which made it scary and I was terrified of rolling on her or none of us sleeping just to watch her all night. Claire began to sleep in her crib at 2 months old. Is that cold? Is it too removed? Is it just what worked for us? Yes. Do I believe my child is plenty secure, plenty bonded and plenty attached. Definitely. This is my point. Why are mothers expected to (or expect themselves to) fall completely in line with one philosophy of parenthood? Why should anyone want to convince me my child is not secure or does not feel fully loved if I do not do exactly what they did and the way they did it? That is what is truly cruel.

My birth took place in a hospital. Yes, a hospital. I would not have felt comfortable giving birth in my home. Some would not have it any other way, but I wanted a nice, sterile, around the clock care hospitaltastic experience. I wanted to know that medical professionals were on hand should we need anything at all. I wanted to know someone was there to oversee my healing. Giving birth in a bathtub is fine. Giving birth in my bathtub would have driven me mad! I try to keep up with cleaning, but all I would have thought about would have been- am I sure I scrubbed this thing enough? How am I going to get it clean again? I also confess, sin of all sins- I used an epidural and I never looked back. Because I used the epidural, I was able to rest through my labor, I was able to concentrate when it came time to push and I was able to stay calm when the doctor was taking care of me after the delivery (I am deliberately leaving out details to avoid TMI). My hospital birth, with an epidural and without the use of a doula or midwife, was exactly the birth experience I wanted and that is all that matters. I do have a friend who is a doula, so if that interests you, let me know and I would be glad to recommend her for you.

I am a working mother. This is a great challenge for me. Constant second guessing, but feeling that I am doing what works for our family. I am a working mother for a couple of reasons. First, without my job, I would not have health insurance and, because of the cost, Claire probably wouldn't either. This is unacceptable to me. (Consider this, any who think universal health care would only support slobs who don't want to work.) Not only would we not have insurance, but our income would limit our residential options. We would be limited to areas in decline, areas that seemed unsafe. Is it difficult to be away from my girl? Yes. Do I feel I am doing what is right for my family? Yes. I want to assure, based on comments I have overheard lately, that my child care is the safest and best place possible. There are a lot of horrible daycare centers in the world, no doubt. My daughter is not in one of them. Where she goes, the entire facility is monitored by cameras, the door is key pad protected and the owner, who has known our family for years, is in all the rooms with great frequency. She is always in range and always available if I call. She welcomes me if I drop in and trust me, I have. It deeply upsets me if anyone implies that I am putting her at any sort of a risk if I spend any amount of time away from her. If I need to work, I have the best possible set up. I get her at 3 everyday, I have all breaks off, and I enjoy her all summer. I breathe her in; I love her; I soak every moment. I believe my child feels loved and secure. I also believe she gets things at school I could not provide. She gets peer companionship and social skills. She gets a routine I feel will prepare her for school one day. She gets to learn to trust other adults. Then, there is me. I like my job. I enjoy the challenges. I love my kids. God made me the way I am and in the situation I am for a reason. I am called. In my dreams, I can marry my enjoyment of working with love of motherhood. Maybe I will find out how to be a part time employee. I bargained with God, that if he let me win the lottery, I would become a full time philanthropist and spread good works, Claire in tow, everywhere I could. I guess it is time to start playing the lottery ; )

My point is not to be for or against any kind of parenting. My point is not to call anyone out. My point is, I am doing this my way. The way I feel is best for my family. I hate the idea of 'camps' that put mothers into categories. "Oh, she's a (fill in the blank) mother, so she only does (fill in the blank)." I don't want to fit in a box. I just want to be a happy medium momma and I want you to do things your way too.

The clip is from Away We Go. Maggie Gyllenhaal plays an over-the-top, pretentious mother, who is settled into her camp and her philosophies, expects that any mother who does not follow must not 'love her kids enough'. You probably need to see the movie to get the full gist, but enjoy, nonetheless.


At December 4, 2010 at 4:47 PM , Blogger Christina said...

I love this post! Totally agree on ALL points...oh, and I love that movie! My favorite part is when they give her the stroller present. :)


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