Adventures in Mommyhood

Motherhood Mutual Admiration Society

2010-08-23T10:11:00.005-05:00

I want to start this club.

This morning, I was greated with a message from a friend. It read, "Lindsay, how do you do work, go to grad school, and still have time for exercising, Claire, and Michael... I just started back (to work from maternity level) and already feel like I'm a terrible teacher / student, etc. Are you superwoman or something? Do you have any time saving tips?". I was taken aback. Me? Superwoman? I even laughed a little, I admit, though I must confess, the vote of confidence more than made my day. I walked on a cloud thinking about it! The thing is, I always feel that way about other moms! I see them and they look so together! I want what they have. The mother who authored the preceding message included! She is a first time mom to 6 month old twin boys, she taught two internet classes when they were just weeks old and is returning to the classroom this week. This is a mom who is juggling two infants, breastfeeding and pumping, is married and pursuing, working in high education at OU. Christi, I tip my hat to you, dear! You tell me, how do you do it?!

What I really want to say is, how come we don't let other mothers know how much we admire them more often? Motherhood is a sisterhood of sorts. We have the power to build each other up and teach each other so much. What a beautiful thing. It makes me wish we could all get together and truly start the Motherhood Mutual Admiration Society, have meetings (with delicious treats- just sayin'), let the kids play, and just share how we all do it. We all keep things together somehow, even when we feel like we are falling short.

Please allow me to share what I would discuss at our first meeting:

Christi- You blow me away, with all the things I listed above! Two at one time! Wow. You handle it with grace, even if you don't always feel like it!

Melissa Robins- You are so patient and nuturing. I love how respectful your kids are because of what you have taught them.

Jaime Crosby- You are one of the best balancing acts I have ever seen. You always fit everything in- well, except sleep. I don't think you do much of that!

Laura- I admire you for pushing through med school as a single mom! Amazing!

Alisha- I hope your kids realize how much you do for them!

Pam- I admire your dedication to ensuring your children are well rounded and have a general respect for humanity- passion for what is right in life.

Codi- You take challenges in stride!

Amie- You make sure you make time for yourself.

Ruth Anna- Everything you do, you do well. I have always admired you in general, so that just funneled into motherhood.

Jill- You are so patient with Mara and very loving

Mary- You and Emma are evidence of God providing and I thank you for all your guidance and support! You've really made me feel better in some challenging times!

Lindsey Elise- You always focus on the best interest of your child, even when it would be so tempting to give into frustrations! You are graceful, girl!

Mindy- You always make me smile and you never fail to be grateful. You are such a loving and devoted mother.

My mother- I am not sure blogger would have the capacity for me to talk about all we've been through together. Mostly, I thank her for always understanding me and being my sounding board.

There are so many mothers who I love so dearly, so if I did not mention you directly, know that you are still in my heart. I love you all. Many moms are just starting out and I am eager to see all the things I know I will admire in you.

Love, Linds

Hey Claire, here's what you need to know-

2010-07-08T23:15:00.001-05:00

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
...If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
-Mother Teresa

National Lampoon's Lake Tenkiller Weekend

2010-07-05T19:15:00.008-05:00

Continuing from the previous post, Friday was spent taking our baby daughter to the doctor where she received four shots. After spending nearly two hours in the office, Michael was more than ready to hit the road.

Claire slept pretty well through most of the trip and, in spite of the shots, was in a pretty jovial mood when we arrived. The ladies rallied to hit the store for supplies, since both Michael and I forgot underwear and other staples that should have been obvious whilst packing, while the men when to Barnacle Bills (floating restaurant) for pitchers, oh- and food too. The Tahlequah Wal Mart is the height of class at 8 p.m. on a Friday night, by the way. Filthy, obese, barefoot children wearing only diapers. Toothless parents, not fairing much better than the babies they have in tow. If you ever need a self esteem boost, this may be the place to go.

We awoke to rain on Saturday, which foiled our plans to go out on the water. The day was spent trying to entertain the little one and ourselves without succumbing to cabin fever and hoping our trip was not a literal and figurative wash. I brought sewing, so that was my daily feat. We have our own room at the cabin- exhibit A:

It is a blank slate. I do not want to spend boo-coo dollars, but I want to give it personality and perk it up a bit. My in-laws told me to do whatever I want. Hope they won't regret that! Anyway, I brought some photo frames and effects and made two euro shams and a bolster. Exhibit B:

I think the room is cozier already! I am going to work on it in phases, to avoid major expense, so I will call exhibit B, "phase 1". The tables are two short tables that my in laws got as a wedding present. I stacked them and intent to paint them in some colorful- shabby chic manner. That is, after I secure them to one another! Click here to see my inspiration! I love the color and charm!

In spite of the rain, it was nice to get that done and Claire had a blast playing somewhere new. She was in great spirits and ate all the Gerber comfort foods. In the evening, we put her to bed thinking all was well. Fuss was heard and we all looked in on her. One of the times, Randy (my father in law) said she'd thrown up a little and brought her out. She changed her sheets, cleaned her up, and returned her exhausted, limp little body to bed. Moments later, more fussing and crying, I entered to find my baby girl COVERED in vomit. I was horrified as to how that could all come out of my tiny little girl. We rushed her to the sink, where she proceeded to vomit on Lane (my mother in law). We scoured the place for clean clothes for her, as the quickly soiled all of the jammies and outfits, I'd packed for 3 days away. Finally, I was sitting on the couch with my naked little cherub wrapped in a towel, making sad eyes at me. At the same time, we placed an anxious call to Claire's doctor, who is also a friend of the family. He informed us that some babies react this way after shots- after four, maybe I shouldn't have been surprised. He told us he'd be glad to call phenigren (anti-vomit medicine) into a pharmacy for her. We told him we might like him to do that. After placing calls to all the pharmacies around and finding they were all closed for the evening, we called the hospital to see if there was a 24 hour pharmacy anywhere close. According to the hospital, we'd have to drive to Broken Arrow to get to a 24 hour pharmacy! This is an hour drive! Let me get this straight, Tahlequah has a four year university and a class 6a high school, but you have to drive almost an hour if you are unlucky enough to get sick after hours?! You've got to be (expletive) kidding me! I guess no one gets sick in Tahlequah after 9:30. Good for them. Anyway, Michael and Lane ran to Wal Mart for Pedialyte and finally, she was done. We got her into clean jammies and into bed for a good night's sleep.

After that, Michael and I thought the weekend was definitely over, but Claire woke up 110% and bouncing off the walls. We decided to feed her bland and slowly and see how she did. After a couple of good hours, we decided to go to the water. Claire passed clean out in the boat. I'd had to poke her a couple of times, just to see her twitch! Since we'd made it out of the woods last night, it would be too much to ask that the day be scott-free. Dan was walking through the boat when he hit a sharp place on the boat's windshield and cut his back open. The wound was about an inch to an inch and a quarter and peeled off enough skin to cause all to stand around and muse about the need for stitches or lack thereof. Finally, Dan was 'ghetto rigged' back together and we were off. A tetanus shot will await Dan when he returns home- lucky him. Of course, it made for a good photo opp- so enjoy- I couldn't make this up, you know!

Yes, that is duct tape.

Claire was great on the water and seemed to be be usual bubbly self- in spite of the miserable night before and the three sharp teeth coming through the gums. She is such a good sport.

I was diligent about covering my baby in sunscreen, spray, cream, and trying, definitely in vain, to get a hat on that precious head. Unfortunately, my attempts to keep sunscreen out of her eyes only resulted in red burn spots around her eyes! She looked like she'd been abused! I hated that! Now, we have to wait for that to heal and figure out how to avoid that in the future. A little sunscreen in the eyes might not be so bad in comparison.

Again, being such a good sport, she slept most of the way home.

Love her.

The stats are in!

2010-07-05T19:01:00.003-05:00

Claire Alexandra, at 15 months old, weighs 24lbs, 6oz. She is 30in tall! This is a 4lbs, 2 in difference since her birthday, April 1! The kid doesn't starve. We just had an appointment to keep up her shot record. We were not thrilled to learn that they wanted to give her four in one day. Next time, we will put our foot down on that one (reference blog post above this).

We waited an hour to see a different doctor because Claire's regular doctor was out on holiday already. Before the shots, this doc handed Claire an open lollipop and crammed it in her mouth. I think her daddy and I were a bit taken a back. We thought she was a bit young. I don't know, if it was an over reaction or not. I just know we'd rather be asked first. However, we did take pics, since she'd never had a lollipop before. They are adorable.

Little Fishy

2010-07-01T23:32:00.004-05:00

No rants or observations today! Just enjoy Claire's water-bug photos from the summer! Happy Fourth of July!

Happy Medium Momma

2010-06-27T22:32:00.003-05:00

For my liking, there are far too many 'take it and run' ideas about parenting and everyone is expected to jump on the bandwagon. It feels there is always some methodology that one is expected to follow. Maybe I am okay, or better than okay even, with doing bits and pieces of it all.

Crunchy mamas are out in full force these days. That's not a bad thing at all. It's a great thing. Not too long ago, I was asking exactly what a 'crunchy mama' was. Some may know it better as the discipleship called 'attachment parenting' under Dr. Sears. In short, this is the philosophy believes in creating the most 'womb like' environment for the newborn, extended breastfeeding, babywearing, and bed sharing. The 'crunchy mamas' tend toward attachment parenting, but also seem to focus on cloth diapering, organic foods and making their own baby food- hence the 'crunchy' being a nudge to 'granola'. Am I saying these things are wrong? Absolutely not. I have been a nursing momma. I extended past the first year even. Should I feel great that I was able to do that, or should I listen to the heat of the La Leche Mom for not being a full disciple of 'baby led weaning'. Am I cruel? Or is it weird that I went even a day past the first birthday? It seems like you are some sort of a pariah if you don't quit that straight away at one year! It's just 'too weird'. You can't do that if they have teeth and you shouldn't do it if they are walking (myth and myth in my book, but people believe it.) Or is it okay to do things just the way I felt comfortable and the way I thought worked for Claire? Babywearing- Claire spent lots of time in arms. Michael was known for wearing her in the Baby Bjorn (at which point he usually referred to her as Carlos- thank you, The Hangover). Womb like environment? Absolutely! I only found one swaddle blanket that worked for me The Miracle Blanket. It squished her up into a dreamy coma in no time. Halleluia! That being said, the family bed was not for us. My husband acts out dreams occasionally, which made it scary and I was terrified of rolling on her or none of us sleeping just to watch her all night. Claire began to sleep in her crib at 2 months old. Is that cold? Is it too removed? Is it just what worked for us? Yes. Do I believe my child is plenty secure, plenty bonded and plenty attached. Definitely. This is my point. Why are mothers expected to (or expect themselves to) fall completely in line with one philosophy of parenthood? Why should anyone want to convince me my child is not secure or does not feel fully loved if I do not do exactly what they did and the way they did it? That is what is truly cruel.

My birth took place in a hospital. Yes, a hospital. I would not have felt comfortable giving birth in my home. Some would not have it any other way, but I wanted a nice, sterile, around the clock care hospitaltastic experience. I wanted to know that medical professionals were on hand should we need anything at all. I wanted to know someone was there to oversee my healing. Giving birth in a bathtub is fine. Giving birth in my bathtub would have driven me mad! I try to keep up with cleaning, but all I would have thought about would have been- am I sure I scrubbed this thing enough? How am I going to get it clean again? I also confess, sin of all sins- I used an epidural and I never looked back. Because I used the epidural, I was able to rest through my labor, I was able to concentrate when it came time to push and I was able to stay calm when the doctor was taking care of me after the delivery (I am deliberately leaving out details to avoid TMI). My hospital birth, with an epidural and without the use of a doula or midwife, was exactly the birth experience I wanted and that is all that matters. I do have a friend who is a doula, so if that interests you, let me know and I would be glad to recommend her for you.

I am a working mother. This is a great challenge for me. Constant second guessing, but feeling that I am doing what works for our family. I am a working mother for a couple of reasons. First, without my job, I would not have health insurance and, because of the cost, Claire probably wouldn't either. This is unacceptable to me. (Consider this, any who think universal health care would only support slobs who don't want to work.) Not only would we not have insurance, but our income would limit our residential options. We would be limited to areas in decline, areas that seemed unsafe. Is it difficult to be away from my girl? Yes. Do I feel I am doing what is right for my family? Yes. I want to assure, based on comments I have overheard lately, that my child care is the safest and best place possible. There are a lot of horrible daycare centers in the world, no doubt. My daughter is not in one of them. Where she goes, the entire facility is monitored by cameras, the door is key pad protected and the owner, who has known our family for years, is in all the rooms with great frequency. She is always in range and always available if I call. She welcomes me if I drop in and trust me, I have. It deeply upsets me if anyone implies that I am putting her at any sort of a risk if I spend any amount of time away from her. If I need to work, I have the best possible set up. I get her at 3 everyday, I have all breaks off, and I enjoy her all summer. I breathe her in; I love her; I soak every moment. I believe my child feels loved and secure. I also believe she gets things at school I could not provide. She gets peer companionship and social skills. She gets a routine I feel will prepare her for school one day. She gets to learn to trust other adults. Then, there is me. I like my job. I enjoy the challenges. I love my kids. God made me the way I am and in the situation I am for a reason. I am called. In my dreams, I can marry my enjoyment of working with love of motherhood. Maybe I will find out how to be a part time employee. I bargained with God, that if he let me win the lottery, I would become a full time philanthropist and spread good works, Claire in tow, everywhere I could. I guess it is time to start playing the lottery ; )

My point is not to be for or against any kind of parenting. My point is not to call anyone out. My point is, I am doing this my way. The way I feel is best for my family. I hate the idea of 'camps' that put mothers into categories. "Oh, she's a (fill in the blank) mother, so she only does (fill in the blank)." I don't want to fit in a box. I just want to be a happy medium momma and I want you to do things your way too.

The clip is from Away We Go. Maggie Gyllenhaal plays an over-the-top, pretentious mother, who is settled into her camp and her philosophies, expects that any mother who does not follow must not 'love her kids enough'. You probably need to see the movie to get the full gist, but enjoy, nonetheless.

Fathers' Day

2010-06-20T20:33:00.001-05:00

Happy fathers' day to this guy holding a baby. Not just any guy, but the one who puts up with me. Not just any baby, but the best baby I could imagine. Better even. I could not have dreamed anyone this good.

Thirty by thirty.

2010-06-02T19:51:00.017-05:00

Inspired by the blog musings of Mrs. Jessica Moore, I have decided to compile my own goal list. My thirtieth birthday will be August 25, 2011. This gives me 14 months to do the following. This list is in no particular order, by the way.

30. Be one semester away from completing my graduate degree (M.Ed in Guidance and Counseling)

29. Keep better lesson plans at work / be more organized, results will be subjective, but I'll know.

28. Complete kitchen projects- redo the floor, re-stain the cabinets, fourth light in place

27. survive potty training

26. Be two dress sizes smaller than I am right now

25. learn to crochet- more than basic and do it to blow off steam sometimes

24. accomplish massive garage clean out

23. win a decent scholarship in graduate school

22. cook better (again, results will be subjective, but I'll know)

21. save $200 per month for school

20. paint and patch the ceilings in my home

19. purge unneeded junk that is hiding in my house

18. learn to play a couple of kids' songs on the guitar for Claire

17. get pregnant again- but not quite yet, thank you ; ) (I still have those two dress sizes to lose first!)

16. get all prerequisites together to obtain my LPC

15. read 3 classic novels I have otherwise missed.

14. practice self control with eating 97% of the time

13. go out on more dates with my husband

12. lose any guilt

11. grow out my hair again- without being ridiculous- make efforts to enjoy and preserve my youthful appearance while I still have it! I always look at picture of my mom with me when I was young and think- she looks great! I want Claire to think that too. Again, not obsessed with appearance, just appreciative of God's gift of youth while I still have it and to be happy with my appearance ; )

10. become more involved in my church- where I have slacked off as of late. I admit it.

9. own a 21st century phone- I hold out because I am too cheap, but eventually, I'd like to own a smart phone with GPS or any needed info at my fingertips. Sheesh- this is too stupid to be a real goal. I will call this one # 9, then give myself a 9.5 to make up for it.

9.5. maintain a G.P.A. art or above 3.7 (did I redeem myself with 9.5?)

8. create and adhere to a cleaning / chores chart in our home (sorry, Michael- this includes you)

7. Be more comfortable with where I am over where I think I should be.

6. put a picture in the frame on my mantle that has has the stock photo in it since we got married- 5 years ago. Yes, that's right, I've displayed a frame on my mantle with the picture that came with it for 5 years now. Nice.

7. enter the toddler years with love and patience

6. Print photographs an place in albums in a timely manner. ( The last pictures I have printed are from last October!)

5. In light of my perfectionism, go easier on myself.

4. spend less money on things that are not fun to spend money on (i.e. find resourceful ways to reduce expenses like my grocery bill!)

3. Go on road trips. Claire is of an age where I feel we can survive 3-5 hours in a car.

2. hold office in an organization that means something to me

1. have faith in general, doubt less, worry less, enjoy more.

It occurs to me that these goals may not be 'glamorous', but they are all worthy to me. I am going to challenge myself to visit these goals when I turn 30 and tell you all how it has gone! Accountability, right? Then, I can set the next set of goals.

What are your goals? Comment and let me know!

Linds

My Life in Numbers

2010-05-30T21:10:00.003-05:00

14- number of months my baby will be on Monday

5- number of years I have been married

8- number of years I have been with my husband

153- number of college credit hours I have (aah!)

24- number of college credit hours until I complete my M.Ed

51- number of college credit hours before LPC

12- average number of hours my baby sleeps per night

45- average number of minutes my baby spends fighting me while I am trying to get her to take a nap.

59- number of days my baby has been a biped

0- not to 'jinx' it, but the amount of debt I have outside of my mortgage : )

28- number of years I have graced the planet

10- years since I graduated high school and went to college

2- number of sizes I am down from my pre-pregnancy weight and the number I'd like to go down from here. Feeling impatient!

2- number of times I have left the country- Oh, I love Europe!

4- number of years I have completed teaching

6- number of cities where I have lived

1- number of states where I have lived (I feel like I am missing out)

35- number of pounds I have lost in just over a year

4- number of cars I've owned

9- number of teeth my baby has

5- years since my father died

27- years old when Claire was born

4- number of TVs in my house (should I admit this?)

6- number of 'fake' teeth I will have as of the eleventh- however-

0- number of cavities I've had (again hoping not to jinx)

5- number of years since my mother had cancer- she's cured now

10- number of months since I lost my stepmom

0- number of siblings I have- however-

4- number of step siblings I have- and-

1- number of brothers in law I have

3- number of wisdom teeth I had

277- days of gestation before Claire was born

3- average number of times I check on Claire before going to bed

9- years since I began attending my church

6- years since I graduated from college and became engaged to Michael

64- number of ounces of water I strive to drink in a day

22- number of pounds I think Claire weighs now; she was 7lbs 14oz at birth

4- number of high school students who have 'friend requested' me on Facebook and are waiting for me to accept them after they graduate

180- number of days in a school year

3- number of school weeks wasted on end of instruction tests

Things I cannot count: number of food items Claire drops on the floor, number of times I say 'no no- don't touch that', number of times I'd die for a nap, number of items of clothing cycling in and out of my closet due to weight fluctuation, the amount of joy I feel during the summer, number of Diet Cokes I consume in a day (mostly because I don't want to own it- it could be worse though), but most important, first and foremost, the blessings I perceive and appreciate in my life. I will close out my twenties this year and can attest that life is better as time passes. The most impossible thing to measure of all is how much I love my baby girl.

xoxo,
Lindsay

Summer Agenda

2010-05-21T22:33:00.003-05:00

Summer is finally here! It is my favorite time of year, by far! I feel like there is so much I want to do and by the time I accomplish any of it, we will be counting down to fall again!

WORK GOALS:

Yes, you read that right. Teachers totally work during the summer! We just have the option of doing it poolside- jealous?

1) Complete my research presentation and supplemental materials. I want better papers and think that the kids may step it up a notch if I do it first. I also want to redo my rubric. I was unhappy with it this year.

2) Spend a couple of days at school cleaning out my cabinet / organizing my materials. I am tired of being a scatterbrain! I am sure my kids will love this goal.

3) Go through school materials in my garage and closet. See if any need to be simply purged or can they be used?

4) Outline my year, highlighting units. My idea is go by quarters 1- vocab emphasis, 2- Greek / Latin root emphasis, 3- spelling emphasis, 4- commonly confused words emphasis. Yes, we will hit these things all year round and grammar everyday, but I will do focus units during these quarters.

HOME GOALS:

1) Stain kitchen cabinet (pain in the rear, but needed maintenance.)

2) paint and patch living room ceiling. (would like to get this done, but fearful it may wait)

3) Clean out garage!

PERSONAL GOALS:

1) Sew neat things. (clothing may be on the agenda- as well as home decor!)

2) Spend time poolside.

3) Read some classic literature I have missed.

4) Put the jogging stroller to good use, maybe learn to actually jog!

OBVIOUS GOALS:

1) Spend LOTS of extra time with my gorgeous baby girl! Love her.

What are your goals? I am interested in knowing!

Gratitude Lesson.

2010-05-18T08:39:00.005-05:00

I think what I need is a gratitude lesson. Sometimes, it is so easy to get caught up in what you want and where you think you should be that you have to work to avoid becoming self-centered. I think, it takes a lot of guts to admit that I feel selfish at times. It feels awful.

Lately, opportunites have passed by and dissolved, and I am still on pins and needles waiting to learn about scholarships- praying for money to pay for college. Sometimes, I get frustrated and want to scream. Why does it have to be so diffcult to make ends meet? Why can't I do what it looks like other people are doing? Ugh! Comparing self to others is so human, yet so futile! Now, I should admit, I was giving a gift that I did not expect. A gift from heaven that took care of my car payment and my student loan! Another blessing, I do not have to pay for summer child care. Why is it so easy to take these little miracles for granted? Why is it still so easy to focus on the 'want' and not the 'have'?

My blessings are pretty obvious: number one, I have a beautiful, healthy baby girl who makes my life complete (funny how it sounds like such a cliche, but I could just gush, really!), my husband and I have our health, somehow, our house still stands in the face of numerous tornado, hail, and fire threats, we are employed in an uncertain economy, we own our cars, we have no debt. That sounds much better than any thoughts of what we DON'T have.

My goals in gratitude are simple:

1) give more- be charitable with money, time, efforts, and creativity. Changing focus matters.

2) consider the other side- remember how many people may be struggling with the same things you are, but think you are the person who has it all.

3) distract yourself- do a project that interests you- I need to sew or create somehow.

4) get over yourself- I don't know how to do this all the time... We'll see.

How do you fight the 'I want's? How do you remember to stay grateful?

I love comments, so let me know your thoughts, please.

xoxo,
Lindsay

What's in a blog?

2010-05-17T10:27:00.003-05:00

Admittedly, I have been much slower to post new blogs than I would like. I love keeping up with friends blogs and get excited when new pictures and stories are posted. I should be returning the favor a bit more, as I know, everytime I think no one is reading my blog, someone tells me they are. I am considering changing it up a little- maintaining the focus on my beautiful daughter, Claire Alexandra, but maybe adding a little of myself. I am thinking I should meantion what I am doing as a momma, what I am doing to maintain my sense of self in a busy life, and things I do for fun. I am welcoming any suggestions! Let me know if there are things you'd enjoy reading, as much as I enjoy what many of you post!

Blessings,
Musing Momma

What I Have Learned...

2010-02-26T12:56:00.019-06:00

Quickly approaching, ready or not, here it comes, Claire is going to be one. Like any other first time mom, I have had a year of trial and error and lessons learned. I already have a mental list of things I will do differently and things I will do the same in the future. The following are my truths and perspective.

1) I cannot even count the times I heard the phrase "they grow up so fast". They do, particularly in this first year. Claire is already more than twice the size of the cuddly eight pound baby girl I held as my first day as a mother. Milestones have come and gone. We've rolled over, crawled, pulled up and cruised. Walking will probably be any day now. It is amazing and I love every moment of her that I can breathe in and cuddle. However, sometimes I HATE hearing how fast she will grow up. Denial? Perhaps. Really, I want to focus on every moment of the present without thinking about how quickly we came to this point or how quickly everything after it will go. For now, don't remind me, please!

2) Babies will do everything they want, in their own time and in their way. It is useless to compare children in their size, rate of reaching milestones, etc. In the beginning, Claire did not want to be put down or to sleep alone. I lost thirty pounds for lack of ability to get to food and slept a max of 3.5-4 hours a night. I was exhausted, I was overwhelmed, I was starving! I did not want to trade my baby girl for anything- I just wanted her to do what I thought other people's babies were doing! I wanted her to sleep alone- even if just for a couple of hours, I wanted her to enjoy wiggling on the floor for more than a minute so I could eat a sandwich. Now, she is, of course, much more manageable in those capacities. She just had to grow, to do things as she was ready, and develop. I just had to be patient. To this day, Michael claims other moms experienced a lot of what we experienced, they just weren't as honest as me!

3) Baby solutions are not one size fits all. Every mom has a bank of useful child-rearing tips and most of us, wishing to be helpful or to share those tidbits of information they wish had been told, give advice. Sometimes this advice is solicited, sometimes it is not, sometimes this advice is valued, other times it is not. My favorite was always the store clerk, who did not know me from Adam, but still had all the answers about something that would benefit us. If it was not the store clerk, it was the random lady in line behind you at the store. I also enjoyed the extensive parenting tips from people who do not even have children, but somehow still knew exactly what I should do. Per my musings in number two, babies have their own agenda and often, the suggestions did not fit my baby. I know her. I know what she wants. I know what she needs. I always got "fill her with formula and rice cereal to help her sleep better". In my gut, I knew she wasn't hungry, she just wanted to sleep on her tummy. I knew intuitively, I am the mommy. Sure enough, the second she could roll over, she slept on her tummy and she slept better. Teething and sickness have changed that from time to time, but she has come around and I knew my baby. I did what was right for my baby.

4) I love cleaning wipes! If it weren't for that, I'd never clean anything!

5) For months, I could not watch a movie or TV show featuring the birth of a baby without tears streaming. Okay, so I still cry sometimes. I definitely can't listen to stories about babies who lose their lives, in the womb or after, or babies being harmed. Oprah did a show on pedophiles the other day. I have always been fascinated by psychology and what goes on in the minds of the insane. That interest takes a backseat now. I could not bear to listen to the offenders. Every fiber of my being could not stand to listen. I felt like my heart stopped, like I could not catch my breath and the channel was changed immediately. I am different as a mother. The world is different. I am forever changed.

5) If their diaper leaks, it is probably because they outgrew that size and need to go up a size.

6) Putting a larger size diaper on them at night helps prevent night leaks or bulging.

7) There is no shame or crime in second hand clothes! They do outgrow them quickly and no one can really tell the difference, I promise.

8) Kids can always tell the difference between your keys and toy keys, between your remote and a toy remote. Guess which ones they prefer.

9) I do not like to be away from Claire. I think I will lighten up a little as she gets older, but I get sad thinking about being away from her. Sometimes I get sad if I run late going home from work because I feel like I wasted our time together. I am getting better about lightening up, however, if Michael and I are going to go something together, I feel better about it if it is after she is asleep. Then I do not feel torn. I feel okay about being at school Monday nights because she is asleep while I am gone.

10) I just got a Dustbuster. How did I live without this up to now?! It is so easy to suck up Cheerios with this thing! I should have put this on my baby registry!

11) Claire thinks a sippy cup is a weapon. She hurls them across the room. We have at least ten different kinds and she does not have any affectionate feelings for any of them. I wonder if I should have tried them around six months instead of nine...

12) I hate it when my baby does not feel well. However, I relish how cuddly and lovey she is during that time. We stay in and love all day.

13) I hate it when I feel like my house is an awful mess and people say it is okay because I have a baby. Are they right? Probably. Does it make me feel better? Not at all. : (

14) One of the best things about being a mom is knowing that you are what makes her feel safe. I love knowing that she feels like everything is okay in the world when she is in my arms.

15) It is fun to drop things and to bang things together.

16) Contrary to what you think when your baby is brand new, you do start to feel like yourself again. A new version of yourself, but yourself nonetheless.

17) I'd tell any new mom, "don't worry, it gets easier". However, I am not sure things really get easier. I think your perspective on what is hard and what is easy changes!

18) I had terrible postpardum depression early on. I would have a really hard time (probably induced by lack of sleep and hormones) and then a day where everything seemed okay. Because of that, I always thought I could get by and do without help. Finally, I got help and I greatly regret not doing so sooner. It pains my heart to think about how I felt in those challenging times. I would not neglect myself again.

19) I am amazed at how much personality they have from day one! Claire has been stubborn, silly, independently needy and funny since day one. Now she knows when she is funny- she laughs and claps for herself when she has done something particularly silly!

20) Throwing Cheerios to the dog earns back some of the goodwill lost by upstaging her.

21) When you think you have plenty of time to do something, you don't. I promise.

22) Nursing- something I was not initially thrilled to do, something I even loathed in the early days, came to be one of the most meaningful experiences I have had as a mother. I am very proud of myself for making it this far and would do it again in a heartbeat.

23) It is okay when a baby cries a little. Early on, I took my pediatrician words to mean my baby should not cry at all or I am taking away all her security. Hopefully, I mistook him, but sadly, I thought every time Claire cried I was letting her down. Babies cry to express just about anything because they have no other means of communication. It is okay. I wish I knew not to sweat things so much. In the future, I won't.

24) Anything you think you know about parenting before becoming a parent- isn't the half of it!

25) I wish we had a play room so there could be one place where I did not have to say, "no, no, don't touch that!"

26) Balance is the most challenging feat of all. Obviously, I like to make the most of mommy - daughter time. However, it is more difficult than I thought to make time to be a wife, a student, work full time, and spend some time being myself! I constantly feel like I am neglecting one of these things. I wish there was more of me.

27) A mother can do ANYTHING with one hand. I am fairly certain I could construct a pyramid while rocking a baby and brushing my teeth. True story.

28) Cribs are edible. A fancy crib will only become a fancy teether.

29) They always know when they are hilarious.

30) I am surprised at what I miss from the challenging early days!

31) Forget the Army, motherhood is the toughest job you'll ever love.

32) Going to the bathroom by yourself is a privilege. Going to the bathroom with the door open, a baby crawling up, pulling up on your knee and giggling into your face is reality. Add a dog to the mix and voila! A true potty party!

33) Taking care of Claire makes me want to take better care of myself. After all, someone is counting on me!

There are so many more, but this is what ultimately comes to mind. I am pretty sure I should compile this list every mommy-blissful year, as a record. I would love to know what you have learned as a parent, so please leave me comments and we can share the joy!

Love,

Linds

ps- for anyone who thought, 'man, she sure has lots of time on her hands to compose this list', I did compile it over a month : )

Food for thought... How mommy learns to feed her baby and herself

2010-02-11T20:43:00.002-06:00

Two main concerns here. Maybe they are familiar to other mommies!

1) OMG! My baby is turning one in 1.5 months! What do I feed her when my milk is not the center of her diet?!

2) Crap! Mommy is overweight and is not much of a chef (more time and energy constraints than anything else).

Related problems, all in all. See, I have hit up several friends and received advice about feeding Claire. I have received many diet suggestions, but one in particular really struck me- "just mush up what you eat and feed it to her". Um...problem! A light went off when I heard this. I don't eat well an daddy is not any better. Crap! I have to eat better to feed Claire adequately! I have a bad habit of coming home and throwing a Tony's pizza in the oven for dinner. After working all day and trying to fit in time with Claire, meeting Claire's needs, time with husband, and *gasp* a moment for myself- cooking is not a way I want to spend my time! I wish it were, but alas, it is not so.

Now, I am challenged to develop better menus- for me because of Claire.

I have milk saved up and plan to use that until it runs out, which will be 1-2 months after her birthday, if all goes according to plan. I figured I could do Gerber Graduates meals while I learn to plan and initiate dinners. I want to prepare fresh or frozen veggies and fruit for her- for us. I figure I will get it down, right?! I figured out so many other things in Mommyhood and the journey has just begun!

Meanwhile, when it comes to me, I invested in a Wii Fit. I am working out about 30 minutes a night. Tonight, I ran 2.5 miles and went over 1,000 steps in the interim. I am down 30 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight, but that is not brag worthy. Until I became pregnant, I had no idea how heavy I had become. I refused to know the number, until my obgyn accidentally blurted it out at an early pregnancy appointment. I think my heart stopped for a moment when the number met the reality. How had I let this happen? I was so heavy that my doctor recommended I not gain ANY weight during pregnancy- an overwhelming notion. That did motivate me and I did watch myself during my pregnancy.

My plan is to set a goal of reaching the size below mine, reaching that and setting the new goal. I could stand to lose 4 sizes, really and truly. Time will tell.

So here are my final thoughts and I do want suggestions:

1) What did you / do you feed a one year old baby?
2) How do you ensure that you are balancing baby food groups and supplying adequate nutrition when baby is weaned?
3) How do you menu plan at your house?
4) What are you doing to get in shape?

5) Really, tell me anything and everything- any thoughts about personal and toddler nutrition. (OMG- did I really just use the word 'toddler' to describe my baby?! Whoa.)

Thanks for any help you can provide!

xoxo,
Lindsay

Claire's Top Five

2010-02-08T17:41:00.002-06:00

Newest feats

1) SHARING- Claire has discovered that she loves Cheerio's and that Cheerio's are a fabulous offering for poor, patient Abbey. I suppose this is a win-win for a silly baby and a dog who has not relished taking a backseat to the baby.

2) FRIENDSHIP- Claire goes to school with a few other babies. This morning, she and a little boy crawled up to each other and proceeded to gab! It was as if they were catching up after the weekend! They love to sit by each other and play!

3) CRUISING- She goes all around the furniture and from couch to chair, chair to table. Hands free is coming!

4) CLAPPING- She does this on command now. Today she began clapping along with a song. It was impressive.

5) SWINGING- Claire loves it when I pick her up and swing her around. She also loves hanging upside down.

Stats- 19lbs, 6 oz., 28 in. long

The jacket in the pic above was her daddy's.

New Year's Resolve

2010-01-21T19:43:00.002-06:00

I don't usually aim to set 'new year's resolutions' per se. It is just too easy to shrug it off under the guise that life is about constant improvement and the year does not matter. Be a better person (vague, but doable, right?), the standard weight lose (bleh), do something for myself from time to time (not so easy when you mommy, wife, work and student). We'll see how I do on any of that this year.

If I had to take a stab at Claire's goals, I'd guess never sleep in- ever, life is too short for naps, explore everything in the house, gain total control of the remote, get my own phone, and push every button in the house.

This year will bring many changes. Claire will learn to walk and talk. She will have a first birthday. She will wean. I am incredibly bittersweet about this, but it will be time. She is already becoming too independent to sit still that long and focus. Now, if only she didn't treat sippy cups like weapons. She can pelt them with the best of them!

Will keep you posted and post more pictures soon!

Almost a year! OH MY!

Lindsay

Sweet Delinquency-- my posts, that is, Claire is mostly well behaved!

2010-01-09T21:43:00.004-06:00

My Baby Gap model

Standing!

our little family

Daddy, multi-tasking

Such a cute leopard on Halloween!

Oh, blog! How you have been neglected!

The stats on our sweet girl are as follows:

standing with help- check
pulling up on still objects- check
opening and closing doors and drawers- check
crawling at what has to Olympic speeds- check
eating all levels of baby foods- check
starting chewable solids- check
taking a few steps when holding onto a person or furniture- check

Claire probably weighs 19-20 lbs. We will know for sure at her nine month check up soon! She is beginning to outgrow 6-9 month clothes and 12 month clothes are beginning to fit her. Some how, we've made it nursing. It is strange to think of when we started (and I planned to go 3-6 months) and where we are today. It has been my honor to do this for my sweet girl, and as much as I am looking forward to going to Victoria's Secret and buying real bras, it will be an incredibly bittersweet ending.

Because of my blogging delinquency, Claire has passed both Thanksgiving and Christmas without any update. Both were nice and included visits from my mom. Her first Christmas will live in infamy, as Christmas 2009 came with a blizzard, leaving us trapped in our home for several days. In spite of the cabin fever, it was very nice.

Today, Claire had a play date with Luke Kern, two year old son of my long time friend Amie. The "experts" say babies and young kids do not play together, but instead, side by side. I beg to differ! Claire and Luke had a great time playing together. They chased and laughed. Claire tackled Luke and giggled gleefully. This is great practice for Luke, who will become a big brother this spring.

Believe it or not, Claire's first birthday is less than 3 months away! Looks like will will have a family and close friends celebration at the house on Saturday, April 3, 2010. I am thinking about a cupcake them. Not real reason aside from me thinking cupcakes are cute! I am also having a sweet little outfit made for her. It will be exciting!

As I must be certifiable, I will be returning to UCO on Monday to pursue my Guidance and Counseling M.Ed. I will be working on it around Claire's schedule (to the best of my ability) because I do not want to miss a thing! I will only take 1 class during fall and spring semesters and I will take 2 over the summers. My graduation will be spring 2012. When I search my heart, I know this is something I need to do for me, but mostly for the betterment of my family and our futures. Michael will finish his M.Ed in Adult Education next winter.

I am down 30 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight! I am very excited about this and eager to slim down further. I had no idea how big I'd let myself become and now I am determined to ensure that I am NEVER that big again. When the weather was nicer, Claire and I walked 2 miles everyday. I'd kill to do that again, but the weather does not permit. I am looking into alternative exercise options, but nothing is in place yet. I considered the Wii Fit, but HOLY COW! It is $100! $100 I do not have since I am paying for my kid and my college on a teacher's salary. We'll see.

There is a chance I will soon have fancy new teeth! My teeth are not awful, however, they are chipped and have shifted, leaving gaps. They make me self conscious and I hope my insurance will pick up most, if not all of the tab. C'mon Health Choice, don't let me down! My dentist said I was a good candidate for porcelain veneers. I was elated, as I'd only expected a couple of caps and a retainer.

New adventures are afoot and good things abound. Will keep you posted.

Love,
Linds

Way overdue

2009-10-29T20:05:00.018-05:00

It has been 2.5 months of procrastinating since my last post, so here is the latest:

August

My beloved step mom, Cindy, passed away at the beginning of the month. I am still dealing with my sadness that she never met Claire.

I also returned to work, which continues to be a struggle for me. I work hard to make the most of the time I get with Claire and I am grateful for the breaks that I get.

September

Just before she turned 6 months old, Claire got, not one, but two teeth! Such a big girl! Not the best picture, but hopefully you can see the teeth!

She also met Corrie. Corrie and I have been friends for 17 years now, so this was a sweet get together.

Pretend like the lines of my sweater are straight and not accenting a small bulge. Cor and Claire look great though.

October

Claire weighs 17lbs and is 26in long. This means she she more than doubled her birth weight and grown 6 inches! This does not cease to amaze me! Claire was also able to go to UCO Homecoming this year. I was so excited to take her to our alma mater, the place where mommy and daddy met, a place of so many beautiful memories, I literally cried on the way there.

Daddy and Claire making each other laugh

Claire and her Uncle Dan

Delta Zetas and there little legacies- me and Claire, Kera Don and Tanner, Andrea and Kenzie

Claire and I also visited the pumpkin patch with good friends, Lindsey and Landon (4 mos old)

Sorry some of the images are small. Maybe I can fix them later! Saturday will be Claire's first Halloween, and being determined to be a better blogger, I plan to post pictures in her costume soon!

Thanks for being patient! Whenever I feel overwhelmed and frustrated, I just remind myself that God has blessed me with the best baby girl. Michael and I are crazy about her and thrilled to watch her grow up.

xoxo,
L

Apparently, August is Breastfeeding Awareness Month

2009-08-12T18:20:00.002-05:00

Cheers to all my nursing momma friends, past, present, and future. It is not always easy, but it is always worth it!

Oh, Motherhood

2009-08-02T19:24:00.002-05:00

I admit, though I like my job and I am grateful to have a job, I feel a deep sense of pain when I think about only having one more week at home with my sweet baby girl. I feel like, now that many of the challenges of having a newborn have eased, I have to return to work in the height of things becoming incredibly fun. I love my girl's smiles and coos. The idea of spending so much time away from her is tearing my heart in two.

This poem is pretty widely circulated, but definitely explains the emotions surrounding motherhood.

Before I was a Mom…
I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom…
I slept as late as I wanted.
I brushed my hair and my teeth every day.

Before I was a Mom…
I didn’t worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was Mom…
I had never been puked on, pooped on, spat on, chewed on, peed on,
or pinched by tiny fingers.

Before I was a Mom…
I had complete control of my mind, thoughts, my body,and my time.

Before I was a Mom…
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom…
I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn’t know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn’t know that bond between a mother and her child.

Before I was a Mom…
I didn’t know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom…
I had never risen in the middle of the night,
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.

Before I was a Mom…
I had never known the warmth,
the joy, the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment,
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom!

Summer pictures

2009-07-29T19:55:00.005-05:00

The Sweetest Surprise

2009-07-14T22:55:00.004-05:00

Before Claire was born, I knew that I would nurse. I really didn't know if I would last long and set a goal of making it through the summer, perhaps a little longer. I wasn't sure that I was in love with the idea. I knew that I was anxious about modesty and worried that I would never truly be comfortable with it. However, I was determined to do it for a bit and really give it a chance.

In the hospital, Claire latched the first time and I thought, 'okay, she's going to be good at this- that's a start'. Still, I worried that this may not be for me. After all, I felt a little silly doing it and I certainly did not want to do it in front of anybody! When I tried to latch her again later, she seemed disinterested and was difficult to feed. I was immediately concerned! I couldn't feed my baby! I felt I may not last with nursing in the long run, but I was definitely not ready to start bottles of formula in the hospital! I wanted to exclusive nurse for a couple of months at least! It didn't seem like my milk had fully come in yet, but I thought that she would naturally desire to nurse already. The nurses tried glucose water (which is a joke), a nipple shield, varying positions, and even an informative video. I had nurses and doctors shoving my breast into my baby's face, which felt awkward and strange, but hey, I'd just given birth! Maybe it was time to put my inhibitions aside in light of the fact that I just had an entire medical team and entourage all up in my business! When it was time to leave the hospital, I still felt some panic that she had not eaten, but was reassured that she still had plenty of nutrients from the womb and would NOT starve. I was told that she would eat when she was hungry and sent on my way.

The first night home, she still seemed disinterested. Five days later, I finally had milk! Boy did I have milk! My goodness! Finally, she began to partake. Relief! My baby was eating! It was just an incredibly difficult adjustment for me. People would come over and I would feel like I had to run and hide in the bedroom every time she seemed hungry. I was embarrassed if certain people came over and I was nursing, even with a cover, completely unexposed. I don't know why, but I felt completely weird about what I was doing and other people knowing what was going on under that blanket. Ridiculous, in retrospect, but hind sight is 20/20. Meanwhile, it felt like Claire was hungry all the time. I was the only feeder for that time period and I felt completely consumed and exhausted. I was raw and irritated and latching sent a sharp pain through me. I was hating this. I felt so conflicted. I hated the idea of giving up because I truly thought it was best for Claire, but I could not stand the idea of going on any longer. I began to have constant and intense breast pain. I screamed when Claire latched. Then, I felt guilty when I screamed. After all, my poor baby had no idea how awful I felt. She just knew that she was hungry and needed me.

I started searching for answers as to why I was in so much pain and secretly praying that God would dry up my milk so I would be free from this chore without any guilt. Luckily, God had other things in mind. Everyone kept telling me that it got better, so I was afraid quitting then would be like dropping out of high school in the twelfth grade. If it was going to get better, I would be a fool to quit right before! My friend, Maggie, also a nursing mom, suggested I check out the forums on the La Leche League website. I headed to and read away. (note, I appreciated the information, but do not endorse all ideas as stated by the La Leche League). I decided to log on and post what I was going through. While I may not feel like I completely fit in with the LLL moms, they were a total blessing and Godsend in their replies to my post. They suggested that I may have thrush and should seek medical attention right away. I called my obstetrician, told the nurse everything and got a prescription and recommendation to try the nipple shield I received in the hospital. Giving both a try, I finally started to feel relief. The pain subsided and I felt accomplished in my goal of continuing on in the journey.

I was still struggling with constant feeding and modesty, but I was not ready to make a decision about starting formula, so I kept going. I was thrilled that my medicine and the shield had saved me from having to make a rash decision. I pumped and bottled when going out in public to avoid having to nurse in public. I seemed to have created a rhythm for myself and felt like I could make it to my goal of continuing through the summer.

Slowly, I started expanding my horizons by beginning to nurse in front of close friends instead of running and hiding in the other room. I began to feel like pumping and bottling was a pain. I would become engorged and have to pump immediately upon going home and Claire was sloppy with a bottle- milk everywhere! Why am I doing this? Why should I feel stupid about nursing my baby where ever I am? I started to feel empowered to begin nursing in public. It is a process, so I cannot say I am really fully there yet, but I am ready to be so bold! I have slowly started to do so and I am proud of the baby steps I have taken.

Initially, I had scoffed at the idea that nursing was a bonding experience. That is always the first thing people say when you tell them you are nursing. When the going was rough, I resented the suggestion. It just made me feel worse about my already negative opinion of nursing.

Finally, I understood. If you read my blog titled 'She Needs Me', it is explained that I was able to calm my sweet girl by nursing. After that, I began to have Michael bring her in to me in the morning and I nurse her lying down in my bed. Often, she (and I) fall asleep for her first nap of the day. She is so sweet when she sleeps! This time is my favorite of the day and will be sorely missed when I have to return to work.

After all this time, I finally began to view nursing as an experience and a journey, instead of an obligation and a chore. God answered my prayers. I began to feel like I could exceed my initial goal of 4-6 months. My husband, who has served as an amazing cheerleader through all the ups and downs, told me to 'go for it' as I told him of my desire to nurse through the first year. I CAN do it and I WILL figure out how to keep it up through my work schedule. Luckily, I feel that I have supportive bosses.

I have experienced naysaying and people who are sure I will fail or even prepared for me to fail, but I am too strong to let it get me down. I am determined.

Meanwhile, I appreciate any prayers in this journey. I know that I am placing my success in God's hands.

My sincerest thanks to Jill, Maggie, Mindy, and several others who gave me great advice and encouragement! I love you all! A special thanks to my husband for believing in me, feeling that I can and will succeed and supporting me when the going was rough.

(note- This is purely my perspective of my experience and is not meant to hurt anyone who made other decisions or were unable to nurse for whatever reason. I would be devastated if anyone was upset or felt judged. There is more than one way to be a great mom!)

Love,
Linds

ps- Above is a newborn pic of my baby girl and a recent pic. Look how big she's getting! She can roll from back to belly now!

Real.

2009-07-09T19:20:00.003-05:00

Today, I was lucky enough to finally visit with my friend, Mindy. Mindy's son, Isaac, is 2 months older than Miss Claire, and Mindy is a phenomenal mom. I was eager to visit with her, hoping it would rub off on me. Luckily, when I talked to Mindy, she assured me that so much of what I have experienced and tried was common. What a lovely revelation, to be respected and encouraged by someone you respect. Yes, it is true that I am too critical of myself. A perfectionist even. Today, I just thought to myself, I am a real mom. In this blog, I am not putting on any pretentious heirs. I will never claim that my child does things perfectly or that I know exactly what I am doing. Perhaps some moms feel the need to perpetuate an image, but I prefer to take the human approach. Being a mother is the hardest job, though worth it, and I am doing a beautifully flawed job. That is the best I could ask for, truly.

Claire and Isaac had a great time together- I am not just saying that. Claire and Isaac, aged 3 months and 5 months, actually cooed, smiled, looked at, engaged, laughed, and studied each other! It was the first time I ever saw my sweet girl interact with another baby. I couldn't believe the joy! I wish I had it on video!

Thank you for the beautiful visit, Mindy! Doesn't it seem amazing that 6 years ago we were getting together in the dorms and I was bring delicious ice cream, in our typical fashion? Today, I think I definitely brought a sweeter treat! How wonderful that our children were able to meet! Hope we see you again soon!

Love,
Lindsay and Claire

Sweet dreams, Sweet Pea

2009-07-05T20:01:00.003-05:00

The time has come and I have accepted it. There are varying opinions on when and how this should occur, or if it should occur at all, but for some parents, it is necessary. We are among those parents.

It is no secret that Claire has been an awful sleeper since birth. In the early days, I remember her refusal to sleep combined with her refusal to be put down being taxing to the point of tears and causing me to exist in an out of body state where I met all of Claire's needs, but realized quickly that I was emotionally missing, not interacting with her and hating myself. That is truly what life on thirty minutes sleep is like. There were days that I realized she'd spent 20 of 24 hours in my arms! Michael and I were up all night offering food, diapers, and comfort every hour, on the hour. What was wrong with this kid? Why wouldn't she sleep- even for an hour!? I called the pediatrician frantically. Suggestions: let her sleep in her car seat, sleep in her bouncy chair, in her swing, anything except her stomach! My God, just thinking about stomach sleeping is a SIDS risk! Nothing was working. Swaddling? She made us think the Babies R Us pre-made swaddle blankets were working for a couple of nights. Could I actually start to feel human again? Sleep in my own bed? At the same time as my husband, no less?! Oh glorious 2 hour stretches of sleep! I was in heaven! Too good to be true? Absolutely. Our little fighter figured out how to bust right out of the swaddler and any swaddle we tried to make. I was devestated. Back to square one. Where did we end up from there? On the couch. We took shift sleeping with her on the couch. Awful! Uncomfortable and scary as she became increasingly wiggly. I was bound and determined to get her into her own bed and my husband and I back into ours.

After careful research, I stumbled upon The Miracle Blanket- 100% money back guarantee if your kid won't sleep in it! Anything is worth a shot. My mom and I ordered it ASAP with express shipping. Finally, it arrived. I carefully placed our sweet infant in her 'baby straight jacket' and promptly rocked her to sleep. Eureka! Four solid hours of sleep, on her back, in her crib! Would it last? Night after night, things had improved. I felt a little human again. I started to be able to enjoy my baby instead of resenting her and envying my friends with less high maintenance babies. (note- know that I love and have always loved my baby and wouldn't trade her.) This worked for several glorious weeks and my sweet girl, thriving and maturing, began to a) figure out how to bust out in the morning- oh no, could it hold her during the night still? b) the pouch started to become too short for her long legs. Crap! This has to keep working! I can't go back to sleeping on the couch! I can't do it!

I poured over infant sleep books. I subjected Michael to every suggestion and felt the walls close in. Had I failed? Had I done something that made her this way? My self esteem plummeted as Claire seemed to revert to old ways and wake frequently during the night. This was not healthy for any of us. After all, Claire was sleeping considerably less than the minimum recommended by pediatricians. She must be exhausted too! Michael and I argued over who should have to go comfort her when she awoke. We both swore as we stumbled out of the bedroom and down the hall. It seemed a far too common occurance that we would spend 20 plus minutes soothing her and laying her carefully in her crib, only to have her eyes pop wide wide open as she hit the mattress or worse, the second we climbed back into bed and thought we were in the clear. Foiled again!

Early on, the concept of letting her cry came up, only to be met with the cruel realization that she was too young. It felt things would never change. Slowly, I started to think she was getting old enough, smart enough, and mature enough to handle. I began to fear that if it did not take place sometime soon, we would end up two angry zombies with no time for each other and a fussy diva for a child. Finally, the other night, she woke up time after time, and I told Michael- she's ready. I was determined and formed a plan. Her bedtime routine would consist of a bath, diaper, feeding, comfort, and placing her (unswaddled) in her crib drowsy, but awake. She fussed and talked seemingly endlessly and finally began to cry. I hate this! Why couldn't something have worked so we wouldn't have to do this? I comforted her by going in, rubbing her tummy, kissing her and assuring her that I love her. I checked on her in intervals- every 3 minutes, twice, followed by 5, 10, 15 and at last! We did not make it to 20! I could not believe the sudden silence and went in to investigate. Fast asleep! No twisted swaddle, no eyes popping wide open, no walking on egg shells! She did it! I beamed with pride as I realized my fussy little girl had soothed herself! I walked back to my bed feeling a tremendous sense of relief. This was the right thing to do and she was ready. She went on to sleep 8 hours with only one 10 minute soothing session. Definately her record! She didn't even awake for her typical middle of the night feeding! I did not miss my time catching Family Matters and Fresh Prince runs on Nick at Night.

The next morning, I worried. What if she doesn't like me because I am the mean lady that wouldn't pick her up and rock her. She reassured me with a sweet smile. I figured, if nothing else, she has to like me! I have the milk!

Though it is hard, we are continuing on. Hopefully, it continue to go well. Soon, we will work on applying the technique to naps.

There are probably people out there that would try to make me feel guilty for this choice, however, it was the right choice for us and for our child.

If you have any insight, encouragement, or stories to share, I would love any comments. Above is a picture of Claire busting out of the 'straight jacket' swaddler with the money back guarantee! At least it worked for awhile! Usually, she broke her arms free too. Stinker! Total Stinker!

She needs me

2009-07-03T19:51:00.003-05:00

It is easy, as a mother, to doubt yourself and fear that you are not doing things right. Unfortunately, I tend to fall into that category- particularly when I am really tired (anyone who reads this blog recognizes that that is most of the time...).

The other day, I brought Claire home from her tour of Uncle Dan's new house. She had not napped well, so I figured she was becoming overtired when she suddenly burst into hysterics. Anyone who has held a screaming baby can attest to the helplessness you feel and when you are exhausted, it just feels like a punch in the face. I walked her, I rocked her, I made every attempt at soothing and caring I could think of. Still, she screamed. I held her as she cried and actually cried with her. Desperate, I brought her to bed with me and snuggled her close as we both sobbed. Though it was a little early, I figured I would offer her milk and see if it calmed her down. She choked down the offering between occasional sobs and slowly began to calm down. Finally, we both fell asleep. A sleep we both desperately needed. When I awoke, she was still peacefully nuzzled against me. Her sleeping face is one of the single most indescribably lovely things I have ever seen. Though I was wake and less than comfortable, I was not going to move a muscle. I was just lying there, gazing at her. Suddenly, all the self doubt and my own personal assault of my mothering abilities just melted away. She just needed me. She didn't need me to do everything right, she didn't need me to have a perfect gasp of infant care from a famed author, she just needed me.

I feel, too often, mothers throw themselves under a bus. Motherhood is filled with complicated decisions and praying that these decisions will culminate in the best possible result for your child. There is much judgment surrounding- should you nurse or bottle feed, is it okay to let your baby cry, and on and on and on. I am planning to read this book sometime soon:

It is actually by the wife of Michael's favorite author, Michael Chabon. I saw her speak on television the other day and felt like she had channeled my thoughts.

From here on out, I need to remember that it is impossible and unnecessary to do everything just right. I need to know that, even though many of my friends who are also mothers appear to have it alltogether, they struggle too and it is okay. They are wonderful mothers and I pray that they realize it.

Meanwhile, regardless of shortcomings or my strengths, she needs me and that is all I really need.

Almost Three Months!

2009-06-28T14:58:00.003-05:00

* I weigh about 12 lbs and I am about 24 in long (75th and 85th percentile).
* I can consistently roll from tummy to back. I am working on back to tummy. I pop up on my side, but haven't figured out how to get passed my arm.
* I sleep in my crib now! It requires a TIGHT swaddle, but we get about 4-5 hours on average and have done 6 a couple of times! Mommy prays for more of those times everyday, but is so happy that I am in the crib that she doesn't want to press her luck!
* I am still nursing. Momma wasn't sure we were going to make it a few times, but with determination, we are doing well and attempting to increase our original goals!
* I love being up at night (like my Mommy), but I am probably happiest in the morning, when I wake up (like Daddy).
* In the morning, I bust out of my swaddle and grin really big at Mommy and Daddy because I know I have done something ornery!
* Momma can't believe that I have outgrown all my newborn clothes, am in 0-3, and starting to grow into 3-6!
* My Uncle Dan is completely smitten with me! He is moving into his first house next week and I can't wait to have him close by!
* I love to observe everything. I enjoy being carried facing out so I can look around.
* I can sit in my Bumbo chair now. Daddy calls it a 'baby koozie'!
* I love to play! I no longer require constant holding; I am becoming independent!

Who's Your Mommy?

2009-06-28T14:52:00.004-05:00

Claire Bear, smiling in the tub!
Me, circa 1981

We have a water baby on our hands! Claire loves the bath! We get big grins! Just like her Momma. I can't wait for mother - daughter poolside and at the lake. ('On a boat', Daddy!)

Auntie Tiffany Came to Visit!

2009-06-28T14:47:00.003-05:00

We were thrilled to see Mommy's high school BFF, Tiffany in late May! Thanks for coming! We can't wait to see you again and for Claire to meet her new buddies, Scarlett and Sam!

Cutest Playdate Ever!

2009-06-28T14:38:00.002-05:00

Claire's first playdate took place at the end of May. The following are pictures of Claire with her friend, Josey Crosby! They are about 2.5 weeks apart, though I am so delinquent in my blogging that they have both grown so much since then! The matching onesies were a funny coincidence- cute little twinkies!

Mothers' Day, Claire's baby dedication

2009-06-28T14:33:00.003-05:00

Claire was dedicated at First Christian Church on my first Mother's Day. It was lovely and I only cried a little!

So pretty!

2009-05-13T14:30:00.002-05:00

Here is a sample of her newborn pics. She is so pretty- I can't believe she is mine.

We are still up all night because this little peanut does not want to sleep on her back and tummy is a big no-no these days (grumble).

Otherwise, we have made it to six weeks and are figuring it out as we go along! She was dedicated at church on Mothers' Day. I need to post those pics! Soon, soon!

Love,
Linds and Claire

...and she's mobile...

2009-05-05T13:19:00.003-05:00

Claire rolled over today! During tummy time, she went from front to back all by herself! She accomplished this feat one day shy of being five weeks old! I, of course, had the camera right there and missed it, but will try to catch it again today. I'd love to upload a video. Tummy time and exercise time has quickly become a favorite at our house! She is, of course, not strong enough to crawl yet, but seems to try and go through the motions.

At our last appointment, Claire weighed 9.3lbs, a 1lb 5oz gain in two weeks! Last night, Michael gave her first bottle. She took it like a champ! I am happy that Michael gets this time with her now.

Claire has also kept a full social calendar, attending two weddings and birthday party in the last week alone! I can't wait for playdates with friends. Yesterday, we went to my work and she met my colleagues.

I am so excited for my first Mother's Day! It will be Claire's church dedication too. Pics of that coming shortly after. Also, random- I have been completely in my old wardrobe for 2-3 weeks now! See ya later maternity clothes!

Much love,
Lindsay and Claire

She is here!

2009-04-04T13:28:00.005-05:00

Claire Alexandra Ross arrived on 04/01/2009 at 1:52 p.m. She was 7lbs, 14oz, and 20in long. She is very sweet. She is learning to eat like a little piggy and loves to cuddle.

Here are some pictures. I will try to post more soon.

Love,
Linds, Michael, and Claire

Nursery Tour

2009-03-18T13:52:00.003-05:00

Here is the changing dresser and chest of drawers. I love the purple. The photo holder above the changing pad will have family pictures- when I get around to it! Most importantly, it is set up and ready to use.

Going from right to left, you are getting another view of the chest of drawers and the table set that belonged to me as a child. It came from my grandmother, (the late) Great Grandma Jo (hence my middle name- Lindsay Jo.)

The rocking chair and the moses basket are both Michael's from his nursery. The rocking chair is from Great Grandma Nicholson and the Moses basket is from Great Grandma Ross. I made the grapevine wreathe above the crib. Yes, I covered it in glue!

Here are the crib and bookshelf. The frames flanking the wreathe will have bible verses in them, as soon as I print them out!
And... a closer shot of the bookshelf. Also shown, Bumbo chair and basket of clean receiving blankets- ready to go!

I am at the doctor's office right now (stealing Wifi...). My group strep B was negative, which is good and my blood pressure, weigh, etc. all seems to be okay. Will keep you posted.

Love,
Linds

Overdue (for a new blog, silly! I still have 4 weeks until my due date!)

2009-03-05T20:26:00.008-06:00

Okay, I know, I have been awful about posting as I get closer. I have been blessed with a shower from my immensely generous church family. The picture above is members of our family gathered at this occasion. Left to right: Auntie (my Aunt Sandy), Lane (my mother in law), my husband, me at 34 weeks, and Great Grandma Nicholson.

I received so many lovely things that highlights were difficult to select, but needed to show the picture above for sure. The logo monogrammed on the bib and onesie are the logo for the Disciples of Christ church! How fun and sweet.

This is somewhat of a 34 week profile / candid shot with my lovely Auntie.

The lovely lady to my left is our dear friend Jeanette. She is really more of an aunt and is serving as my scribe.

I was also blessed with a lovely gathering at work. Here is your photo recap:

Here is the lovely spread! Makes me excited for spring time!

This lovely quilt was handmade by Andrea Keefer. I knew she had many talents, but this amazing work caught me off guard! So lovely! Such fun colors and patterns!

Thank you to my colleagues, especially my hostesses!

Meanwhile, I am 36 weeks tomorrow. The doctor reports that I am right on target. My blood pressure is normal and I am not experiencing any complications. What a relief and blessing. She probably weighs about 6 pounds now, her heart rate is in normal range and she measures right. I have not gained any weight that can't be attributed to baby and baby related excesses! Yay for me!

Today is my fourth wedding anniversary. Michael and I had a nice evening out. We went to Cattleman's Steakhouse for some prime cuts. Michael was so happy he was singing all the way there. He bought me a season of How I Met Your Mother to watch when I am up feeding Claire.

I will try not to be so slow in the future. Watch, in future blogs, for pictures with dear friends and mom that I will see this weekend and pics of the finalized nursery. It is about 95% done right now.

Thanks for hanging in there with me!

Love,
Linds

ps- Happy Kacy?! ; )

7 weeks- ready or not!

2009-02-13T16:27:00.003-06:00

Here is the 32 week pic- right on time for week 33, but y'know.

I have already been told I look tired and uncomfortable about 1 million and a half times- even even I think I feel pretty good, all things considered. I just choose to pretend that they are really telling me I look "pretty" and "inspiring". That is what they really mean, right?

Since my last post, I have felt a lot better, but still have this lingering cough that does not want to give up. It is a total pain, but a pregnant woman have lowered immune systems, so it is to be expected.

I am starting to feel the crunch of the last 7 weeks. Do I have everything I need? Do I know what I need to know? Is most of what I wanted to get done finished? I feel like I lost at least two weeks when I was sick and now I am wanting to catch up. I have a few places in my house where I know there is unorganized junk and I hate the thought of it. It feels like it must be done now because I won't have time later... However, realistically, I just want to prioritize it- most important things first and if not EVERYTHING is done on time, I know it won't be the end of the world. Many of my pregnant friends have been hoping to go into labor early because they are uncomfortable. I guess I am the weirdo that wants to fully cook so I can feel I have the 7 weeks that stretch ahead to get some things done and spend time with my husband. Even if I am uncomfortable for a bit. Don't get me wrong- I am eager to meet this person, find out what she looks like and what her personality will be.

Ugh! Sorry if this is boring. I will try to be more colorful and entertaining in the future. As always, if you have guidance, thoughts, encouragement, etc. I am dying to know! Please leave comments!

Love,
Linds

Showered!

2009-02-01T20:03:00.002-06:00

Week 31 has been quite eventful. I enjoyed my first baby shower 1/31 with family and family friends. The biggest surprise of all was not any of the lovely gifts, it was the arrival of my mother. I found out the day before that she made arrangements to come down. I am always sad that she lives so far away, so this felt like she was closer to home.

Unfortunately, I only grew more sick this week. It was a little funny to me that we were celebrating me becoming a Mommy and mine was having to play the role for me. I tried to pick the pictures where I appeared less green. It has been very stressful trying to take care of myself and take medicines that are safe for my baby. I think I spent a lot of time pleading with God to get me through.

Thank you to everyone who attended the shower and brought such thoughtful gifts for our little girl.

Thirty Weeks

2009-01-25T13:57:00.007-06:00

Here is a picture of me faking it. I actually have a bit of a cold and I am trying to avoid too much medicine. I think the smile is pretty convincing though!

Yes, there are 2.5 months left; no, I have no idea how she will fit, but she will! Usually, all things considered, I feel pretty good. My last doctor report was just about perfect: I do not have gestational diabetes, my blood pressure is low to normal, I am not anemic (which I have had a history of in the past), I have gained very little weight, but she is growing right on target, her heart rate is normal, and my dentist said that I do not have swollen gums (which is common for pregnant women).

I have been spending my time organizing things and setting up schedules of chores and such in a way that I hope will be baby friendly. I don't want household tasks like laundry to become overwhelming when she is here- my goal is little by little. I am also working on the painting I will create for her room. In the past, I have painted pictures for friends' nurseries, so I, of course, want to make sure I do something for my own. This has been no easy feat! However, I think I finally have the right design sketched out and I am ready (as soon as I kick this sinus headache) to give it a try! Here are a few pictures I did for Amie's nursery. They hold a special place in my heart because they were my first and because she loved them so much, she asked for more!

Claire's nursery is going to be black and off white (per the pics of the bedding below) and I decided to use plum and lilac accents. I have been very drawn to purple lately.

Otherwise, I admit to more than a fair amount of momma-to-be anxiety. I feel like it is probably a fear of the unknown that will mellow after she is born and we start to adjust to the many changes that will take place. I very much understand the wanting the best for your child instinct and fear, on occasion, letting her down- though I will do my best and know that I have plenty to offer over all.

Here are some things I use input or encouragement on (please leave me comments- all you have to do is click the comments at the bottom and type away! I can't tell you how much it means to me to read all the things my loved ones write!):

1) I am blessed with 5 months maternity leave because my leave will run straight into summer vacation. I am aware that this is a blessing, but think to myself- 5 months is SO young! I can't believe I have to turn over my baby at 5 months. She will not be old enough to understand or know what is going on. She will not be old enough to play, learn or bond, so I can't justify it as she is "getting something out of it". Yes, I have done the math and the investigation on staying home for a year and, sadly, no, is not possible for me. Luckily, I have a good job that I am grateful for and, next to staying home, it will allow me the most time with my sweet girl. Where I need help is- I need child care advice. I am looking into sitters and private day care centers. I have heard debates either way. Please let me know what you think and if you live close to me and know of any opportunities in my area, I'd love to hear about them!

2) Obvious concern of all mothers (and the country as a whole right now) is saving money. If you have any tips about how to save money, what expenses you have found unnecessary, and ways that you manage, please pass them on! I have decided to take cues from friends and begin clipping coupons. I want to reduce my grocery and toiletry bills by up to 1/3! (must have a goal!) Wish me luck! Anyway, I want your tips for money savings and cutting the unnecessary! Please share!

3) Right now, everything still seems so surreal to me. I think I am going to write Claire letters or something. I want to try bonding with her without feeling silly. I do talk to her. Sometimes, I poke her back (gently) when she kicks me and she lightly responds. If anyone has any ideas as to how to bond with a bump, I am also game.

Mostly, I feel that comfort and answered prayers are found by those who calm down long enough to talk to God and are patient enough for a reply. This is a constant challenge for me. Admittedly, I am prone to worry and have difficulty letting go when I need to. I think I am going to start journaling my prayers again. I tend to focus better when I write it down, than when I rely on a stream of subconscious thought.

Thank you to all of my supportive friends and family that read this and all of the prayers. Things are going to be just fine. I am just super hormonal / emotional. I cried for no reason during my last doctor appointment. My doctor must have felt bad for me because he hugged me before I left! I have a really good OB.

Love,
Linds

My country tis of thee...

2009-01-20T18:39:00.004-06:00

Love or hate Obama, there is something positively mesmerizing about the inherent joy of our country today. In a time of recession unparalleled since the 1930s and almost six years of war, it is thoroughly refreshing to see people dancing in the streets because they finally remembered what it feels like to be proud to be an American. I am not writing to engage in political discussion, but to express that it is easy to see the glory of God in a chance for change and new found hope. It is a beautiful thing.

I also love knowing that Claire will never know a time without a black president. (also note- Joe Biden is the first Catholic VP and first Catholic in such a high ranking office since Kennedy). The other day, Michael and I were discussing the difference this makes for black people everywhere, when he remarked that he was sure black Americans probably felt like they would never see a president that resembled them. I returned the suggestion by stating that I always felt that way as a girl. I never thought I would see a woman president in my time. However, we sure came close this race- with women running for president and vice president. I now feel like it IS possible to see that in my lifetime. I am overjoyed tha things such as this will probably always seem possible to Claire. She may even feel like she wants to run for an office herself someday- like her daddy. I am nearly certain Uncle Dan, who bought Claire the onesie pictured above, would campaign heartily for her.

For now, I am about ready to sign off. I am filled with hope and wish you all the same joy.

Much Love,
Lindsay and Claire

The Third

2009-01-14T17:11:00.003-06:00

This is Mindy and Isaac at 36 weeks and me and Claire at 28 weeks. We are at Mindy's baby shower.
This is a picture of me on my first birthday- now see the picture below.
This is the table and chair set I had as a little girl. In the picture above, I am sitting in one of the chairs. Here is the set, in Claire's room, newly refinished and ready for her!
It may be a little washed out by the flash, but this old painting is me at about age 3! My mom and dad were friends with an artist in Enid and she painted this. It was actually in a few art shows!

Here we are, staring down the barrel of 29 weeks! This is officially the third trimester. I am really looking forward to seeing and holding her. Of course, I am completely anxiety ridden. I am blessed to have 5 months with her (my leave will run into summer break). However, I am NOT looking forward to the task of finding an appropriate place for Claire when I have to return to work in the fall. I just keep praying for a miracle. I don't want to leave my baby!

Michael and I will start birthing classes in February. I am hoping they will be helpful. I am very much leaning toward an epidural. I always figured I would. However, I am really trying to look into what is best. My priority is what will leave me in the best position to hold and bond with my baby as soon as I can. I want to feel good and lucid. Hopefully, these things can occur at the same time!

I have been blessed with 3 lovely baby showers. The first will be a family shower, January 31, given by my aunt and cousin. The second will be a church shower, given February 22. The third will be a high school, college, and new friends shower, given by college friends on March 7. I look forward to each and am incredibly grateful for all the people so anxious to celebrate Claire's life with us.

I think I am moving around pretty well for being full of belly and I am trying to do quite a few nesting activities now. My understanding is that I will be ready to slow down that last month and I want as little to worry about then as possible.

I definitely welcome advice about the content of this blog and any other things you think I should know. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the love, support, and prayers of our friends and family.

Love,
Linds

The beginning of the year Claire will meet us!

2009-01-03T20:06:00.002-06:00

I suppose, depending on which website you look at, this is the beginning of trimester 3 for me. I don't doubt for a minute that I look it! Being this short, I knew she'd have no where to go but out!

After Christmas, Michael and I got a few things done around town, though not nearly as much as I had on my mental to do list. On New Year's Day, my mom and my uncle joined us for a Christmas celebration. Late, I know, but I feared that it would not happen at all, so I am glad.

How am I feeling? Tired. Sleeping is not what is used to be. I was a devout stomach and back sleeper. Gee, both of those are ruled out now. If you were wondering why I started this blog with a picture of a recliner, this is why. When I thought about it, I decided I would be much more comfortable rocking Claire to sleep in a recliner than a glider. Especially for any night when Claire would be (heaven forbid) sick or just have a tough night. A recliner was something I could see myself sleeping comfortably, if needed. The only difficulty was finding one that was affordable, yet well constructed and was not overly poufy / tufted. Ever notice that recliner makers think that fabric has to be bunched and filled with way too much loft? I just wanted something soft, simple, neutral and easy to clean. Found the winner pictured above and decided it was a winner. I put a few things up for sale on ebay and now I just have to make my purchase (and arrange for the truck to transport). Meanwhile, it would be wonderful to sleep in for when I get my old lady sore hips. (I will remember to treasure every moment of sleeping on my back and stomach after Claire is here- even if it is in 5 minute intervals!) ; )

It looks like shower dates are in the works. I will gladly pass along more info as it is official. Meanwhile, make sure I have your address, pretty please! Otherwise, how can I send pics later?

Claire is stronger all the time. Michael can feel her more regularly now. I used to think she was playing a game with him- "come get me, I am kicking! I am kicking! Ha-ha! Now I've stopped!" Michael felt a little conspired against.

Mom brought my baby pics so we could go through them on this visit. I have seen them a million times before, but they are different to see when you are almost seven months pregnant and seeing pictures of your mom close to your age and you as the baby. Makes you really wonder how things to come will be and what kind of pictures and memories you will create in the future.

More later-

Love,
Linds

Merry Christmas

2008-12-28T21:02:00.003-06:00

Merry Christmas to all! I know you can't see it, but the little stocking I am holding has Claire's name on it. Pretty cute.

I am in the middle of week 26- meaning that I have 1.5 weeks left before the third trimester. Though I feel pretty good, sometimes I really feel it! I am dragging and not sleeping as well. We are officially on the double digit countdown to Claire's due date now! Yes, I still have quite a bit to do, but I am eager for her arrival.

I am having those crazy pregnant woman worries and concerns. I try to keep them from rising to the surface for others to see- sometimes I am successful. It is amazing how helpless one can feel to help a being that is growing in her body! All I can do is pray that she is healthy and doing well.

Love,
Linds

jolly.

2008-12-21T21:18:00.002-06:00

It's week 25 and we have bedding! The beginnings of Claire's room are really coming together! We don't have all her furniture yet, nor is anything on the walls quite yet, but coming along.

Michael felt Claire move today. I am thinking that she punched him in the hand about 3 times. She isn't upside down, but will be any time now. We are only 2 weeks out from the third trimester.

Otherwise, I have lightened up about money- some and hope to continue! It will be fun this year to open things that are for Claire, but not nearly as exciting as Claire's first Christmas, this time next year! I am eager to meet her and continue to pray that she will be healthy and thrive!

Love, Linds

Six months down, four to go.

2008-12-14T18:32:00.003-06:00

Here it is- 24 weeks. Can you believe that I have come this far, but still have 4 months to go? Who says pregnancy is nine months- the math clearly indicates- 40 weeks=10 months!

God bless those surrounded me! I am riddled with anxiety about maximizing my time with my newborn. (Yes, I know this is months away at this point- I did not claim to be rational!) First of all, please pray, even when I am uncomfortable and close to due, that Claire stays in all forty weeks! I don't want to go back to work until next August! Her due date is right on that borderline. I am also praying for no inclement weather days that would have to be made up in the spring! I guess I just want as much time at home with her as possible and to be able to nurse. Not too much to ask, right? Of course, I know full well that I am being the typical Lindsay, where I worry about things I can do nothing about. Claire could come as early as the second week of March and still be full term. (Claire and I have already had a pep talk about her not coming early, but she is my child- so God only knows!) The doctor said she measures right on with her due date, luckily- for whatever it is worth.

Speaking of the doctor, he said she is measuring just right and growing. He also said that I am doing a great job of not putting on excess weight. At my last appointment, her heart rate was 137- about 10 bpm less than last time, but apparently fluctuation is normal.

Yeah, so if you do feel like praying- I would greatly appreciate prayers that I can have (without costing a ridiculous amount of money), my full leave in the spring, that Claire is healthy and continues to thrive, and that my emotional stability increases from zero to any number above zero! (must start somewhere!) Also, I think we are all praying to have milder weather than what is predicted!

Thank you all for reading and your support. I'd love comments, if you have time to leave them. They really do bring me joy. Can't wait to update you with more pics and things more joyful than my worry!

Love,
Lindsay

Intrauterine Claire meets the gold friends...

2008-12-06T19:53:00.002-06:00

Had a brief visit to Tulsa 12/6. Thought I would share the pic of my two oldest friends seeing me and meeting my bump. Corrie is on the left and Christine is on the right. Too many memories...oh Lord- the memories we have!

Sneak peek...

2008-12-05T19:47:00.003-06:00

Of course, the nursery is not nearly complete, but here is the crib and a glance of the 23 week belly. Not the best picture of me, but you get the idea. Michael did the assembly.

Tiny Dancer is Twenty-two weeks!

2008-11-30T20:58:00.003-06:00

Oh my God! Am I really this big with 3.5 months to go! Where will she fit? This shot is 22 weeks. In the last couple of weeks, strangers have noticed the bump and made comments. None have dared to touch the belly. Maybe they value their safety!

A clerk at a store asked when I was due- just curious for the response, I said, "Well, what do you think?". She replied, "any day now?". Good Lord!

After careful consideration, we bought the "inspiration bedding" instead of attempting to recreate it. Instead, the women of my family have decided to make accessories and decor. The bedding is pictured above because I couldn't figure out how to move it. I love the simple elegance. I believe that I will accessorize with pops of red- though plum is still in consideration
: )

Michael and I completed our registries at Target and Babies R Us. We wanted to be done before Christmas rush and the floods of post Christmas returns. If you are interested in seeing our furniture, it is on JC Penney (www.jcp.com) as a registry. I did it that way so out families could quickly and easily find it- without wading through the site and writing on stick notes. Since it is still there, now everyone can see it- supposing there is any chance that anyone else is as curious as I am! I love to see how people decorate!

The holiday went fast. I experimented with bow making and organized Claire's room. My mom saved a ton of stuff I wore (and even some stuff she wore) as a baby and it is all in Claire's closet. She also brought a table and chair set I had as a little girl. It is perfect in her room. The crib is due in the next couple of weeks, the bedding in 2-3 weeks. When things start coming together, I will gleefully post pictures, so everyone can see everything.

I can definitely feel Claire move now. She has become quite strong. I think we are close to Michael being able to feel her move- which I am eager for!

All doctor reports still positive and healthy!

Love,
Linds

And she will be known as...

2008-11-20T20:27:00.000-06:00

Claire Alexandra Ross!

Twenty weeks...halfway there!

2008-11-16T14:09:00.003-06:00

We have officially reached the halfway point! At my last doctor visit, I was told that she is growing and thriving right on target with her April 3 due date. She is growing, but I am not, I am still down 5 pounds! As long as she is getting bigger, I have the weight to spare. I feel just fine, with the exception of extreme fatigue from time to time. I fell asleep during the school musical the other day! I haven't done anything like that since I had mono in high school! I can feel some fluttering- I think it is her moving around. It is just so light that it is easy to dismiss as wishful thinking. I keep hoping to feel stronger movement. I know she moves quite a bit- the sonographer couldn't get her to stay still!

She does not have a name yet. We are still working that out slowly. It is amazing how your tastes change when you will attach a name to an actual human life! We just don't want anything too trendy / popular or too made up sounding. If you have suggestions- please feel free to leave them in a comment. Several of the suggestions we have received so far have given us much food for thought and have been greatly appreciated!

My Mom, Mother-in-law, aunt and I are planning to team up and create nursery bedding together! What a blessing to have a team of talented and creative women that are excited to help with this project. It will, in the end, create a classic heirloom or maybe become a tradition for us! So far, I am leaning toward this:

http://www.cottontaledesigns.com/catalog/Enlarged-bedding/French-Cuffs.html

as the inspiration for the bedding. Mostly, I just like the fabrics. I would include pops of either plum or red in accents. Sometimes I lean toward doing something with more purple though, so we will see what inspires me when we get to the fabric shop! The room is already painted a soft yellow, much the same color as my nursery as a baby. I may get a wild hair and paint an accent wall or something, but all in all, I really like the color (I did pick it out and everything looks glowy and pretty in front of it!) Yes, I have heard the thing about fussy babies in yellow rooms, but think it make be about as accurate as using the heartbeat to predict baby gender.
Hopefully ; )

Will post more as I know more! Feel free to leave comments! I love hearing what everyone is thinking!

Much love,
Linds

Here she is, little Miss Ross!

2008-11-04T15:46:00.006-06:00

lovely profile- looks like me : )

tiny foot

Little girl!

another face picture (she was moving like crazy, so it is a little blurry)

sweet (but hard to see) face

Little arm

Ready to use gender specific pronouns!

2008-11-03T18:39:00.001-06:00

We're having a GIRL! I am working on scanning in the sonogram pics. It won't be long.

Eighteen Weeks

2008-11-01T11:24:00.003-05:00

This is eighteen weeks. For a change, I actually feel like I look smaller in a picture than I feel. We will find out the gender (hopefully) on Monday, so expect a new post shortly...

Otherwise, the sickness finally waned, but the hormones have kicked into high gear. Don't mess with me. I may fight or cry.

Love,
Linds

Panic!

2008-10-16T22:00:00.003-05:00

I am sure that the hormones are getting to me, but lately I have experienced moments of extreme panic. This is an insane rant, so read at your own risk.

I had a dream last night that I lost the baby. Luckily, if that were to happen, it probably would have happened 12 weeks or before and we have heard a healthy heartbeat, so that is not incredibly likely. It just pains me inside that my subconscious would come up with that. Insane dreams are, from what I have read, very common among pregnant women. Luckily, lately, I have been feeling better (as in, not so sick- hope I am not speaking too soon), which is wonderful. I do not wish to be sick. However, when there are no symptoms, I feel very surreal and question- is everything okay? Is something wrong? How twisted is that? Deep inside, I know I should trust and let go. This is all just so weird. I also panicked the other day when I realized that I have never been around little boys, so if I am having one, I feel a little clueless and inept (understatement). PS- Everyone in Michael's family thinks this is a boy and they are not shy about it. Not that I wouldn't catch on, just- holy crap! What would I do with a boy? I am so girly and not at all athletic...pardon my stereotypes. Then I wonder why I am worried about this because I won't know until 11/3 anyway and whatever it is- it already is. Then, I move onto to my money panic. Another holy crap moment! It is already difficult to budget for the two of us. How will we do three and please say we can handle it well- because, as an only child, I'd planned to have more than one. I find myself going through my house wondering- what of value could I sell in hopes of securing a little extra funding. Not completely a bad thing (BTW- garage sale tomorrow.)

I really feel like I could go on and on about the preceeding things and about how my house is never clean and I can't get it that way or keep it that way to save my life- and that is just with the 2 of us! I worry that our insurance is not good enough, that I will have to spend too much time working and miss out on things, and that I have no idea who is going to watch my baby when I do have to go back to work.

The truth is, I am in one of those states of taking on too much when it desparately needs to be handed over to God and removed from this rant of worries that I have created. I have to stop worrying. Period. Meanwhile, it helps to put it all down in print. Now God, take it away!

Sixteen weeks

2008-10-15T17:31:00.003-05:00

I am just shy of sixteen week now. There is a little belly, that I would chalk up to being a chubby girl, except that I have actually lost weight. We find out the gender of Baby Ross on 11/3. My boss was visiting with me the other day and said, "why? Don't you want it (the gender) to be a surprise?" I replied, "I am tired of calling this kid 'it' or 'baby'". It will be exciting to pick some things out and call the baby by a name. It will still be a surprise anyway! It will just be one on 11/3, instead of in April!

ps- I am actually nervous to find out the gender, though I know God gives you what you need- even if you don't know it yet : )

Our little sweetHEART!

2008-10-09T20:17:00.005-05:00

Our doctor's appointment went well today. I feel pretty big, but have lost 5 pounds so far. The baby has a heart rate of about 148 beat per minute. I am going to try to post the video- hopefully, it will work. Michael was kind enough to film and edit, which I more than appreciate!

Much love,
Lindsay

Strollers and car seats and appointments, oh my!

2008-10-05T16:00:00.000-05:00

My apologies for being slow to post. The following info is from last weekend.

Last Saturday, Michael got a wild hair and wanted to go to the store to look at stroller / car seat combos. I had already spent more time than I care to admit studying ratings and parent rating, so it was already narrowed to Chicco and Britax. A car seat is just not a place where I felt comfortable settling for anything less than the safest and best. After spending time with both, Michael decided he liked the Chicco better. I also liked it, so that was our purchase and then we were on our way.

After our adventure to buy the stroller / car seat combo, Michael informed me that he needed an "instruction manual for this thing- so he'll know what to do". We journeyed on to Border's where he found a book of basics for Dads and a book- not kidding- labeled as an instruction manual. It goes to to tell expectant Dads what a baby comes "pre-programmed" with and has stick people illustrations demonstrating the correct and incorrect way to do certain things (he learned to avoid picking a baby up directly by it's head).

By the way, if you'd like to watch Michael play with the stroller / car seat combo, c'mon over, I am certain that he would be glad to demo. After a bit, he almost seemed like a kid with a giant toy...

Buying the combo was fine, but I really want to figure out how we can put up a fence of sorts- I really don't want us out walking the dog in the morning with a baby needing our attention. For some funding- not nearly enough, but a start- I think we are going to do the neighborhood garage sale (I have been in a real purge and anti-junk sort of mood) and put a few things up on ebay. Out with the old- in with enough room for the baby : )

The following is a post from Michael:

We bought a stroller/carrier system last week. Check this business out:

The car seat:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gK4c7CYMBoE

The stroller:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=291tlp_90Ww

What the stroller video doesn't show is that the car seat mounts on the stroller, combining their powers like some kickass baby Voltron or something. I don't know where we can mount a boomin' system, but I'll keep you posted.

If you were wondering about the baby literature we acquired:

It is written like instructions for your stereo or something! No joke! It talks about what a baby comes "pre-programmed with", what will cause "malfunction", and diapers are described as needing "installation". It is quite humorous. I am reading it too and can say- it is helpful.

Things to look forward to this week:
* continued reduction in nausea
* hearing baby's heartbeat on Thursday the 9th!
* finding out when our gender / ultrasound appointment will be! I should find out on Thursday!

Much Love,
Lindsay

Second Trimester! Finally!

2008-09-25T17:47:00.003-05:00

The second trimester officially starts tomorrow. Hopefully, this marker will bring reduced nausea and fatigue. I often feeling like nausea and fatigue are fighting to the brink for my soul. On October 9 (week 15), Michael and I will go in for our next appointment, where the heartbeat will register on a fetal doppler. I am going to try to cry ahead of time so that I don't ruin it ; ) Sometime around the end of October, we will have the ultrasound that determines the gender of the baby. I am not going to make guesses- just be pleasantly surprised when we finally know. That weekend, we will need to have a party with mocktails (for me at least!) We'll keep you posted.

Thank you for your support, love and prayer,

Love notes from friends and family

2008-09-25T17:23:00.000-05:00

Hi Baby Ross,
We are so excited about the new little blessing you will be to everyone. It is going to be so much fun checking in your website to find out how everything is going for everyone.
Love,
Uncle Chuck and Aunt Debbie
P.S. April is a good month for a birthday! :)
-

Oh my gosh! I am soooo excited for you! I know that this baby is someone you have been hoping and praying for. We are all so excited to meet you baby Ross!
-Jill, John and Mara Cannon

We are so blessed to have you as our grandchild and love you so much already! We know that you will bring much love and happiness to all of us and your life will be filled with blessings because of the love that your mommy and daddy have for you and for each other! We pray that God will watch over you and will provide you with good health and development as you grow stronger every day! We can't wait to give you a kiss from us! Love you!
-Grandma and Grandpa Ross

We're so happy for you Lindsay and Michael! Baby Ross is already blessed with fine parents and lots of loving family. We can hardly wait to meet the little one! God bless you all and we love you!
-Grandma Jo and Robert

From August 2008

2008-09-25T17:20:00.000-05:00

A test, just 4 short days ago, comfirmed that we are expecting. The due date should be April 5, 2009 (ish). I am excited and nervous at this point. Praying for health and growth!

From Mid August 2008

2008-09-25T17:17:00.000-05:00

According to what I have read, Baby Ross no longer has a tail (Daddy is so proud) and is about the size of a strawberry! Baby has fingers, toes, fingernails and eyelids. Last week, baby's heart grew to four chambers and should be audible on my doctor's appointment (09/02/2008). Grow, baby, grow! I am praying that you are healthy and thriving.